I blame my friend Chris for this.  He turns to me with his cheeky-chappy grin and says “Dude, you should totally go see Grown Ups...I love it when you’re reviews are damning”.  I’m sure I see a smirk pass over his face as he drinks his coffee with a knowing twinkle in his eyes.  And so here I am, a mere three hours out of the cinema, a world of fury pulsing through me and a gallon of caffeine where food should be.  Let’s do this!

After the death of their childhood basketball coach five friends are reunited at his funeral and thus begins a weekend of hilarious hi-jinks that brings them closer together.

Imagine you’re very best friend struggling for life in the terminal ward of a hospital.  Or maybe a kitten with a limp being slowly tortured and killed.  Both those things are funnier than this film.  With a cast that boats Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Rob Schneider and, bafflingly, Steve Buscemi a world of talent exists here and yet there is not one successful scene in this film.  It looks like it’s been edited by a blind person, the script is inane without one drop of originality or wit, the performances are bland and most importantly, for a comedy film, it is not funny.  The screening I was in had all the happy-go-lucky ambience of a funeral and when it wasn’t being cringingly unfunny it was being out-right offensive.  Chris Rock’s Grandmum is such a racist stereotype I wouldn’t have batted an eyelid if she had started picking cotton, or playing a bango, while Adam Sandler’s nanny is openly mocked for having one of those “Wacky” foreign languages. 

This film was so bad I am now going to break my normally non-bias and professional journalistic demeanour.  This is shit of the worst kind.  I apologise to Toria, the friend I dragged to the screening, and the next time I see Chris, my friend who “recommended” I see this, he will be getting a beating of the most brutal nature.  If this review seems too slacker, too Gonzo, I can still assure you that there was 100% more effort put into this article then there was into the movie.